A Little Piece of My Heart // Personal

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I am often overwhelmed at the incredible blessing children are, and words really can’t describe how grateful I am for our two boys!  Overall, the transition from one to two kiddos was easier than I expected it to be, although recently I had realized that I was really struggling with finding the balance between both boys.  I started to feel guilty for putting Brayden down so I could give Connor my undivided attention without a cute bundle in my arms, but then I would feel like I wasn’t giving enough attention to the baby.  I know this is normal, and I kept telling myself that, but it didn’t excuse the fact that it was hard.  One of the things that I realized lately though, was how much I all-of-the-sudden had this strong expectation that now that Brayden is here, Connor needed to grow up.  I needed him to help mama out, and I needed him to be a big boy.  He’s TWO!

The other night as I was putting him to bed, we had our normal nighttime routine. Read a book, prayed, giggled, and then I tucked him in and gave him a kiss goodnight.  He quickly sat up and just stared at me as I started to shut his bedroom door and then said, “mama, lay with me?”, right away I responded, “no Connor, it’s time to go nigh-night, lay down sweetheart.”  He didn’t say a word in response, just sat there and looked at me with the saddest, most disappointed look in his eyes.  Like what he was asking was just too much.

Our 30 second interaction set off a whole flood of emotions in me.  Was it really too much to ask of me to lay with him for 2 more minutes, knowing he would fall asleep right away?  Absolutely not.  I realized that while I know this time when our kids are small is SO short and goes by so so incredibly quick, in the moment it’s so easy to forget that.  I think that’s why it goes by so fast!

I turned back around, shut his door, and crawled in his little toddler bed and snuggled up as close to him as I could.  As I rubbed his head and he started to fall asleep, I teared up thinking about what an amazing gift he is, and how I want to bottle his little, innocent self up and keep it forever.  I never want to look back, 10 years from now when he could care less about snuggling with mama as he fell asleep, longing to be close to her, and regret that I didn’t take advantage of that time, because it does go SO quick and I want to soak up every moment.

So here’s to playing cars, snuggling in bed, and taking spontaneous trips to the park just because.  Take a step back and relish in those sweet memories with your kids.  The laundry, dishes, and dirty diapers will still be there, trust me.

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